a note from the observer...

i watched an amazing film last night highlighting the poverty in Guatemala City. surrounded by CEO's, Peace Corps volunteers, and socialites drinking my free Dos XX with lime (and a Sweet Leaf & vodka) i was the observer. i watched girls giggle about their new Gucci bags, listened to my generation's hippies talk about their trips to Africa, and was infiltrated by a film about a single mother of 5 who worked daily in a garbage dump that stores 1/3 of the earth's garbage.

that's right.

1/3 of the EARTH's garbage.

there was one moment in the film that hit me like Mike Tyson: a few short seconds of footage showing a woman who was working tirelessly to bring children out of the cyclical poverty they were trapped in. they called her Hanley. just a few seconds i saw her laugh, play with children and mess up her message into the camera with laughter. then a few more seconds of testimonials of how amazing she was. then a moment, "Hanley's car was hit head on by a bus in 2007." how little i knew of this woman. mere seconds of who she was, seeing her soul and love in her life so briefly. but when i heard she died, i cried. it was devastating. not only was that a true testament to how good this film was, but through the remainder of the film, hope was brought back into the picture by the lives she touched around her. and we saw that in this short film. in this beautiful piece of art. some of the people who Hanley touched took over her mission:

Safe Passage

Pay attention to what is happening in Guatemala.

i'm proud to say that the guys of One Spark Films are my friends. they have amazing hearts for people and an unhindered talent to bring the less fortunate to the forefront. follow them. watch their films. support their efforts.

One Spark Films

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On Twitter: @onesparkfilms

11-11 on 11-12

So I was supposed to do this yesterday, but better late than never:

11-11
11 Things about me in random fashion

1. I have a completely irrational, but very real fear of driving next to semi trucks with my windows down because I think the tire may blow out and come into my window and kill me. I have seen the Mythbusters on the subject and it was “Busted”, but I’m still terrified.

2. I’m hairy. And I hate it. I feel self conscious about it. One of many reasons I’m a “winter” man and not a “summer” man. Despite the name.

3. The first time I ever played drums was in 4th grade and it was in the newly started church Children’s Orchestra. We only played one song, and I think it was about Mary, but that’s all I can really remember. It could have been about the one with the lamb, or the one with the Jesus. I don’t know.

4. One of my biggest pet peeves is people using the word “literally” like it’s the only word in the English language that adds emphasis to a phrase. If you’re not using the word for what it means, stop it. Seriously. Or I will literally shit a brick. (prime example of how not to use it unless you want me to punch you.) Also, I hate it when girls call me "man" or "dude". It's weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

5. My parents didn’t ever take video of me as a child (it was the 80’s and video recording equipment was for people who ate caviar and drove Rolls Royce’s) but they did take quite a few pictures of me. There is a box of photos in their attic full of pictures of me and my brothers. I tell you this to lead into this stat: 68% of all those photos of me are naked.

6. Last year I got bronchitis and was laid up in my house for 8 straight days. Once I ran out of movies I wanted to watch, I started watching Lost to see what all the hub-bub was about. After 3 episodes I was officially addicted. Over the course of the next 8 days, I watched Seasons 1, 2, 3 and caught up to the current episode of Season 4. You may not realize how much Lost that is, but the only other thing I did besides watch the show was sleep. Seriously. It’s the ONLY thing I did for 8 days. And when it was over and I was healed, I shaved my head because I wanted to be like Dr. Jack. Also not kidding. I seriously did that.

7. I have a higher than average amount of patience, but there are some people that really bug the hell out of me. Like the lady that sits next to me at work. She has so many annoying quirks. I won’t try and list them, because it’s too much, and also, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate the annoying-ness of them via blog.

8. I was off work yesterday for Veteran’s Day and made a breakfast for myself that I’m now going to tell you about. A delicious 2-egg sandwich on toast with lettuce, tomato, mayo, cayenne pepper sauce, and bacon, along with a bowl of granola (or bowlnola), a glass of chilled filtered water and a Granny Smith apple. It was amazing. I love making breakfast food. And eating it.

9. Kara “challenged” me to do this list thing and she lives in Philadelphia, PA. I miss her a lot.

10. I’ve had 4 major head injuries, one of which scalped me. I had 8 staples in my head for a few weeks. I also have dealt with depression in the past (and still a little) and my doctor told me it’s highly likely that those are connected. Apparently so much trauma has happened to my head, that it was “re-wired”. Something else my head injuries did was give me two weird growths on my ears. I believe it’s called “cauliflower ear”. Wiki that shiz.

11. I always look at the clock when it’s 12:34. Seriously. Noon and midnight. It happens so often that I feel extremely weirded out by it. Like maybe something huge is going to happen to me at 12:34 someday. And this is just times way of “counting up” to it. My own personal Armageddon. Jamesageddon.

Hump Day Inspiration

sometimes i feel the opposite of inspired to create. whether it be writing or playing or singing, there are days that the luster of creation is a little lack. but this monday i was curious (as i often am) and was googling things (as i often do) and found out that "inspiration" is another word for "inhalation". so really, i just need to breathe to experience inspiration.

just a neat fact that got my fingers moving. happy Hump Day folks.

maybe this one makes me an official blogger

so i don't really use this venue as a "here's an update on my life" sorta thing, but

here's an update on my life:

my job rocks.

my title is Record Technician in Intelligence and Counterterrorism at Texas Department of Public Safety. yeah. i know. and its just super easy. and pays me money. so yeah. it rocks.

my friends rock.

i've gotten to spend so much good quality time with my best friends lately and its been rejuvenating to say the least. you all have so much that you give me with out even knowing it. just being around you and talking with you (esp you long distance ones) gives me hope that what we were meant to be is slowly taking place.

rock music rocks.

first the sad part: my last show with Paul Banks & the Carousels will be November 11 at Mohawk playing with The Rocketboys. there's numerous reasons that this is happening, but ultimately its good. 1. there's no way i'd rather my last show with a band go. we're playing at one of my favorite venues in Austin. we're playing with a band that i respect like CRAZY and the members of which i love dearly. it's just going to be a great show. 2. (and this is the happy part) this is forcing me into a position that i've wanted to be in for so long with music: in the drivers seat. (cue Carrie Underwood) i have been scheming hard in the last few days about what i'm going to do with music now. if some of you don't know, i've got a solo project that i've been working on for a long time now called Picardy III (that's picker-dee the third) and now that its my only project, i have the time and energy to put into that it deserves. i will be working for the next year (ish) on my first album. i'm going to spend a lot of time (and money.. thanks DPS!) on it which instills happiness, excitement, and contentment... to name a few. i'm working out all the details still, but its going to be awesome. and once the year is up, i will have saved enough money to take it out on the road for the first Picardy III tour. stay tuned for more...

life isn't easy, but it still kinda rocks.

there have been moments of torment with glimpses of freedom. and i don't doubt it will continue this way, but i'm in a glimpse now, and it looks good.

a note on notes

sometimes i worry about how its going to play out

this song i'm singing

i know there's a high note coming that

when i hit it

sounds so good but when i don't

could cause water to curdle

i know it's coming

i know it

now i'm thinking about it

but i'm still singing the notes leading to it

but not thinking about those

i'm thinking about that high note

i'm missing the notes i'm singing now

i'm not feeling the music right now

i'm not experiencing the song at this moment

i'm worried about that high note

and now that i've worried myself into a tizzy

i'm almost certainly going to miss that note

if i felt what i'm singing now

maybe i'd hit that note

but i'm not

i'd like to stop worrying and start enjoying this song.

Dear God,

I like to take Your words and pick the ones I like for tattoos.
I think what You say is nice but I think I can arrange the context a little better.
So thanks for trying, but I got it from here...

monuments and mercy

here i raise mine ebenezer, hither by Thy help i've come

and i hope by thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home

Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God

He to rescue me from danger, interposed His precious blood.

that.sit

my dreamgirl

you're who i want

you're who i need

when i think about the end, i want you there

you like who i am

you like who i'm not

when i think about what i want to be, you will be there

someone to love

someone to love me

when i think about anything, you're the one that i want to be there

i love you

you love me

when we think about God, let's thank Him for us.

Christmas Lost

Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home! ~Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers, 1836

i'm a child and she was my Christmas lost

i ran to the tree for the only thing i wanted

i tripped over a table and didn't bother to hurt

she was underneath in my dream the night before

but lunging at the present alter i found nothing

no one could convince me my dream wasn't real

i could feel her and even smell her hair

so you can imagine my disappointment

i wallowed for a bit then stumbled to pop's lap

i crawled up in it for a glimpse of relief

but i could feel his heart skipping as he held back

tears for my lost Christmas

but still i could feel his love

it was just that i'd have to wait another year or so

Orange Juice is a Black Man

this all started last week at Spider House over a $7 pitcher of Lone Star with a friend i hadn't seen in weeks...

i think we're given things in life. some more than others. i, for one, have been given amazing gifts:

1. a family that loves me unconditionally and supports me financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually... basically in every way possible.

2. friendships. unbelievable friendships. friendships that will never end. the kind that inspire, antagonize, and nurture all in one motion.

3. life's necessities. with no worry about them ever going away. shelter, food, water.

4. talents. things i can do that i'm not sure why i can do. music. writing.

5. a million other things that just make me absolutely rich in comparison to 95% of the world.

but thats not my life. i am not my gifts. i am not what was given to me. my being doesn't exist by those alone. life CANNOT be just about getting things and then being thankful for them while we squander them. because mark my words, they will not always be there:

my family and friends will die.

our earth will die, and along with it, all the things that sustain life.

my talents will die with my age: i will get arthritis and my mind will go.

all my stuff will go quicker than it came.

LIFE IS NOT COMPLETED IN OUR GIFTS.

they are gifts. and from God no doubt, but there's more. living isn't just sitting and receiving. there has to be an element of movement. living is an action word, and so life is.

so what am i doing? how am i reacting to the constant grace that keeps me in a state of ability to do just that?

honestly...

not too much. i could be better. i could live better. but the struggle for me is: "well if there's grace, and God has ordained it all to happen, why bother?" which worries me. what if, that's not true? what if my actions actually dictate what will happen in the future, whether mine, or worse, others'?

but i don't think it's as much about Him and "the effect we have on the universe" as we think.

which sounds selfish, but don't stop reading because i think i can dumb it down to make a little bit of confusing sense:

God gives us gifts.

We recognize that.

We then live like a child who got the Sega for Christmas in 1990, and use it all the time.

In doing that we're acting. We're using the gift, which is why it was given... to be used.

In our action we find fulfillment. We're pleased and feel complete.

In our completion He is pleased. Because He loves us.

He made us to love us.

So in our completion we are pleasing Him, AKA worshipping him.

use your Sega's friends. don't just like them and talk about them and write books about them. USE THEM. live your life. work at it. that's where the completion is that you're all looking for.

that being said:

i think i'm getting old because 9 years ago after my first 8 o'clock college class, i never would have thought that work was something vitally important to my souls well being.