Death Becomes Her

In an attempt to address all the adversity around us, I compose.

"Merry Christmas" doesn't ring with silver bells all the time. The year turning new isn't always happy. Seasons of joy seem to be peppered with suffering.

This is where we live.

This is how we are.

This is how it is.

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
-CS Lewis, The Problem of Pain

Why would we ever want to cease to be roused? If we are indeed deaf and sitting in a wallow of our own filth, but can see outside of it a world of clean splendor, then why would we ever choose to stay and not be drawn out of it? It doesn't make any sense.

Until we figure out what brings us out:

pain.

Who wants to be hurt? Who wants to not feel comfort or happiness? Thus, the paradox of our faith.

Jesus separated himself from his heavenly throne, from his Father, and from his Glory to take on the greatest pain, so we have no footing to stand on that will allow us to shake a fist at God for the hurt we feel. Still we do and still he allows it, but once the dust of anger settles we see where we are and where He is and we put our fists down.

If you are in the community of believers, hold the ones around you. Notice them. Ask them about things. We don't have any other source by which to maintain our sanity. We are the church. The most coveted bride. She has scars and beauty marks all the same, and is becoming in a gown of bandages. She is us and we are her.

Friends, if you're content with life, get ready for a storm to come soon. If you're not content, take heart that God is rousing you. If you are apathetic or unaware, I pray that God screams at you and you hear. I pray this for myself.

musicful lyrics

when ever i listen to Bright Eyes my resolve to write a musically simple song grows exponentially. this is the outcome of a ride home blasting the "Lifted" album. thanks Conor. (recorded version soon to be posted somewhere on the World Wide Web)

there's a lighthouse by the shore

beckoning to keep us yore

the flashing light could tell a tale

of the one's that came before

that came before

there's a house that stands alone

on the road where we were shown

there's a hobo by the door

beckoning to keep us yore

to keep us yore

every little word that comes from

every little thought

all wrapped up into a perfect

needle through my heart

fairer skin has never tasted

as sour to my tongue

but how do i want this

and what do i do with you?

things are helping keep me numb

but my brains a little dumb

chemicals that quell the thoughts

of returning to your arms

to your arms

but all that wins is dreams of us just

layin' head to head

whispering "i love you darlin'"

bundled in my bed

escaping all the world's sorrows

for moments just like this

but then i wake up

and what do i do with you?

with you?..

there's a car that's parked outside

beggin' us to take a ride

there's the keys right by the door

of the place where we grew up

we grew up

musicless lyrics

Here’s fourteen days to look

You’ve got your time so keep it

But remember your papa shook

The world into its place

Just where it was supposed to be

And I see a million faces

Running to a hundred places

How’s it ever gonna fit

If it’ll never make any sense?

My day is a year

And My year is a day

Goodness fleets soon as it’s near

Clearly someone’s gotta pay

Just like it’s supposed to be

And I see a million faces

Running to a hundred places

How’s it ever gonna fit

If it’ll never make any sense?

Help isn’t coming soon

It’s already here

Stop looking to the moon

I’ve already been made clear

Just like I’m supposed to be

And we are a million faces

Running to a hundred places

It’s just gonna have to fit

Faith might never make any sense…

But that’s how it’s supposed to be.

a note from the observer...

i watched an amazing film last night highlighting the poverty in Guatemala City. surrounded by CEO's, Peace Corps volunteers, and socialites drinking my free Dos XX with lime (and a Sweet Leaf & vodka) i was the observer. i watched girls giggle about their new Gucci bags, listened to my generation's hippies talk about their trips to Africa, and was infiltrated by a film about a single mother of 5 who worked daily in a garbage dump that stores 1/3 of the earth's garbage.

that's right.

1/3 of the EARTH's garbage.

there was one moment in the film that hit me like Mike Tyson: a few short seconds of footage showing a woman who was working tirelessly to bring children out of the cyclical poverty they were trapped in. they called her Hanley. just a few seconds i saw her laugh, play with children and mess up her message into the camera with laughter. then a few more seconds of testimonials of how amazing she was. then a moment, "Hanley's car was hit head on by a bus in 2007." how little i knew of this woman. mere seconds of who she was, seeing her soul and love in her life so briefly. but when i heard she died, i cried. it was devastating. not only was that a true testament to how good this film was, but through the remainder of the film, hope was brought back into the picture by the lives she touched around her. and we saw that in this short film. in this beautiful piece of art. some of the people who Hanley touched took over her mission:

Safe Passage

Pay attention to what is happening in Guatemala.

i'm proud to say that the guys of One Spark Films are my friends. they have amazing hearts for people and an unhindered talent to bring the less fortunate to the forefront. follow them. watch their films. support their efforts.

One Spark Films

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On Twitter: @onesparkfilms

11-11 on 11-12

So I was supposed to do this yesterday, but better late than never:

11-11
11 Things about me in random fashion

1. I have a completely irrational, but very real fear of driving next to semi trucks with my windows down because I think the tire may blow out and come into my window and kill me. I have seen the Mythbusters on the subject and it was “Busted”, but I’m still terrified.

2. I’m hairy. And I hate it. I feel self conscious about it. One of many reasons I’m a “winter” man and not a “summer” man. Despite the name.

3. The first time I ever played drums was in 4th grade and it was in the newly started church Children’s Orchestra. We only played one song, and I think it was about Mary, but that’s all I can really remember. It could have been about the one with the lamb, or the one with the Jesus. I don’t know.

4. One of my biggest pet peeves is people using the word “literally” like it’s the only word in the English language that adds emphasis to a phrase. If you’re not using the word for what it means, stop it. Seriously. Or I will literally shit a brick. (prime example of how not to use it unless you want me to punch you.) Also, I hate it when girls call me "man" or "dude". It's weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

5. My parents didn’t ever take video of me as a child (it was the 80’s and video recording equipment was for people who ate caviar and drove Rolls Royce’s) but they did take quite a few pictures of me. There is a box of photos in their attic full of pictures of me and my brothers. I tell you this to lead into this stat: 68% of all those photos of me are naked.

6. Last year I got bronchitis and was laid up in my house for 8 straight days. Once I ran out of movies I wanted to watch, I started watching Lost to see what all the hub-bub was about. After 3 episodes I was officially addicted. Over the course of the next 8 days, I watched Seasons 1, 2, 3 and caught up to the current episode of Season 4. You may not realize how much Lost that is, but the only other thing I did besides watch the show was sleep. Seriously. It’s the ONLY thing I did for 8 days. And when it was over and I was healed, I shaved my head because I wanted to be like Dr. Jack. Also not kidding. I seriously did that.

7. I have a higher than average amount of patience, but there are some people that really bug the hell out of me. Like the lady that sits next to me at work. She has so many annoying quirks. I won’t try and list them, because it’s too much, and also, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate the annoying-ness of them via blog.

8. I was off work yesterday for Veteran’s Day and made a breakfast for myself that I’m now going to tell you about. A delicious 2-egg sandwich on toast with lettuce, tomato, mayo, cayenne pepper sauce, and bacon, along with a bowl of granola (or bowlnola), a glass of chilled filtered water and a Granny Smith apple. It was amazing. I love making breakfast food. And eating it.

9. Kara “challenged” me to do this list thing and she lives in Philadelphia, PA. I miss her a lot.

10. I’ve had 4 major head injuries, one of which scalped me. I had 8 staples in my head for a few weeks. I also have dealt with depression in the past (and still a little) and my doctor told me it’s highly likely that those are connected. Apparently so much trauma has happened to my head, that it was “re-wired”. Something else my head injuries did was give me two weird growths on my ears. I believe it’s called “cauliflower ear”. Wiki that shiz.

11. I always look at the clock when it’s 12:34. Seriously. Noon and midnight. It happens so often that I feel extremely weirded out by it. Like maybe something huge is going to happen to me at 12:34 someday. And this is just times way of “counting up” to it. My own personal Armageddon. Jamesageddon.

Hump Day Inspiration

sometimes i feel the opposite of inspired to create. whether it be writing or playing or singing, there are days that the luster of creation is a little lack. but this monday i was curious (as i often am) and was googling things (as i often do) and found out that "inspiration" is another word for "inhalation". so really, i just need to breathe to experience inspiration.

just a neat fact that got my fingers moving. happy Hump Day folks.

maybe this one makes me an official blogger

so i don't really use this venue as a "here's an update on my life" sorta thing, but

here's an update on my life:

my job rocks.

my title is Record Technician in Intelligence and Counterterrorism at Texas Department of Public Safety. yeah. i know. and its just super easy. and pays me money. so yeah. it rocks.

my friends rock.

i've gotten to spend so much good quality time with my best friends lately and its been rejuvenating to say the least. you all have so much that you give me with out even knowing it. just being around you and talking with you (esp you long distance ones) gives me hope that what we were meant to be is slowly taking place.

rock music rocks.

first the sad part: my last show with Paul Banks & the Carousels will be November 11 at Mohawk playing with The Rocketboys. there's numerous reasons that this is happening, but ultimately its good. 1. there's no way i'd rather my last show with a band go. we're playing at one of my favorite venues in Austin. we're playing with a band that i respect like CRAZY and the members of which i love dearly. it's just going to be a great show. 2. (and this is the happy part) this is forcing me into a position that i've wanted to be in for so long with music: in the drivers seat. (cue Carrie Underwood) i have been scheming hard in the last few days about what i'm going to do with music now. if some of you don't know, i've got a solo project that i've been working on for a long time now called Picardy III (that's picker-dee the third) and now that its my only project, i have the time and energy to put into that it deserves. i will be working for the next year (ish) on my first album. i'm going to spend a lot of time (and money.. thanks DPS!) on it which instills happiness, excitement, and contentment... to name a few. i'm working out all the details still, but its going to be awesome. and once the year is up, i will have saved enough money to take it out on the road for the first Picardy III tour. stay tuned for more...

life isn't easy, but it still kinda rocks.

there have been moments of torment with glimpses of freedom. and i don't doubt it will continue this way, but i'm in a glimpse now, and it looks good.

a note on notes

sometimes i worry about how its going to play out

this song i'm singing

i know there's a high note coming that

when i hit it

sounds so good but when i don't

could cause water to curdle

i know it's coming

i know it

now i'm thinking about it

but i'm still singing the notes leading to it

but not thinking about those

i'm thinking about that high note

i'm missing the notes i'm singing now

i'm not feeling the music right now

i'm not experiencing the song at this moment

i'm worried about that high note

and now that i've worried myself into a tizzy

i'm almost certainly going to miss that note

if i felt what i'm singing now

maybe i'd hit that note

but i'm not

i'd like to stop worrying and start enjoying this song.

Dear God,

I like to take Your words and pick the ones I like for tattoos.
I think what You say is nice but I think I can arrange the context a little better.
So thanks for trying, but I got it from here...

monuments and mercy

here i raise mine ebenezer, hither by Thy help i've come

and i hope by thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home

Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God

He to rescue me from danger, interposed His precious blood.

that.sit