3:10 to Yuma

i see singleness as a problem. an issue. something bad that needs to be eradicated. but not in a way that may be smart throughout it's progress, but just anything to accomplish the end goal. the ultimate end is more important than the means.

but it's a hairy situation.

this thing of romance. this thing of love. it somehow is a thing that possesses the qualities of what are traditionally, starkly different roles.

the means

and

the end.

somehow it is the means by which you get to the end of itself. (don't worry, i re-read that two dozen times, it totally makes sense.)

so here's the deal: i want to love. i want to be loved. my motives are pure, so why would it have not happened right by now? maybe it's Grace. that i am to have what is absolutely the best thing regarding love, and i just can't see how to do that, so it's being done for me and to me and around me.

you see, i am, everyday, inside of myself getting lost. worried. thinking. stuck. held captive. but i can love by Love's hand. i just don't do well at that.

i am who i am being made into, not what i've known myself to be.

so i will one day love.

i will one day be loved.

and on the road to that day, will love all the way.