Thursday, August 4, 2011

hear here (or there)

i thought today, for the first time in a long time, "what am i saying?"

i spent part of the day today listening to a few of my friends sing songs. songs they wrote. some wrote for release, and others to preach. but regardless of the place they came from, the place they were going is what intrigued me. these friends have amazing amounts of people listening to their songs. listening to what they say. hanging on words and melodies. this is simultaneously beautifully powerful and frighteningly dangerous to me...


i write songs.
i write blogs.
i write tweets.
i write poems.
i write essays.
i speak to family.
i speak to friends.
i speak to coworkers.
i speak to strangers.

but what am i saying? are they my words? are they Divinely inspired? do i even believe what i'm saying? these questions are pivotal to anyone with an ear lent them. without these questions, our words and lives come from unchecked hearts full of deceit. we are the best at deceiving ourselves. i'm constantly the guilty victim of this. and i believe that most of what i say isn't said in words, but in my life. some days i'm very proud of what's being said and some days i'm ashamed to the point of hermitism. i don't think the latter days will go away. we can't be expected to be right, good, and worthy of being listened to all the time; but we sure as hell can try our damnedest to get there. and so i'm thankful for moments like this. moments of seeing people listen to others' words/lives. and what i hope is that i don't grow weary of the pursuit of the former days: living proudly that i can be used in some way to speak Truth and Life through whatever avenue i choose. but not by my might or ability. only by the grace bestowed on me through Divine gift and through the faith that that exists. i believe that what i believe is inconsequential to you hearing the Voice that speaks to and through me and forms my beliefs. the Voice is speaking, and if you hear it in me, hallelujah; but if through some other avenue, praise God.

just listen.