Thursday, August 4, 2011

hear here (or there)

i thought today, for the first time in a long time, "what am i saying?"

i spent part of the day today listening to a few of my friends sing songs. songs they wrote. some wrote for release, and others to preach. but regardless of the place they came from, the place they were going is what intrigued me. these friends have amazing amounts of people listening to their songs. listening to what they say. hanging on words and melodies. this is simultaneously beautifully powerful and frighteningly dangerous to me...


i write songs.
i write blogs.
i write tweets.
i write poems.
i write essays.
i speak to family.
i speak to friends.
i speak to coworkers.
i speak to strangers.

but what am i saying? are they my words? are they Divinely inspired? do i even believe what i'm saying? these questions are pivotal to anyone with an ear lent them. without these questions, our words and lives come from unchecked hearts full of deceit. we are the best at deceiving ourselves. i'm constantly the guilty victim of this. and i believe that most of what i say isn't said in words, but in my life. some days i'm very proud of what's being said and some days i'm ashamed to the point of hermitism. i don't think the latter days will go away. we can't be expected to be right, good, and worthy of being listened to all the time; but we sure as hell can try our damnedest to get there. and so i'm thankful for moments like this. moments of seeing people listen to others' words/lives. and what i hope is that i don't grow weary of the pursuit of the former days: living proudly that i can be used in some way to speak Truth and Life through whatever avenue i choose. but not by my might or ability. only by the grace bestowed on me through Divine gift and through the faith that that exists. i believe that what i believe is inconsequential to you hearing the Voice that speaks to and through me and forms my beliefs. the Voice is speaking, and if you hear it in me, hallelujah; but if through some other avenue, praise God.

just listen.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

All's Well That Ends Well

A letter.

Friends and family,

If you're getting this, you're either family or best friends that I love dearly and more than most things. I just launched my kickstarter page (link below) to raise funds for my upcoming album All's Well That Ends Well. The money will go to pressing the hard copies of the CDs and any extra that may come in will go to purchasing more merchandise for the band. Kickstarter is a cool website that allows the pledger to recieve rewards for donating. I want to ask you all to consider donating but if you're not able, then just a tweet, a facebook status, a blog shout out, forwarding to your friends/family, or any help in promoting this would bless me immensely. Thank you for all being influences in my life that have spurred me to write, seek Truth and the Lord and to love well.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

finally starting to feel inspired again

whisper thoughts to your neighbor and let the heat of your breath breathe the ever uncomfortable feeling onto them. the feeling of intimacy. of connecting with just the one person.

i whisper to too many people. no in the gossipy sense, but sometimes. most times its me bearing my soul to a person, letting them see what they will, and feeling connected. and the next day, i do the same with person 2. and then 3, and 4 and so on. it's too much. i've spread my soul thin in all the intimate relationships i've tried to maintain. eventually, as the fabric of me starts to tear, i start to let people down. i stop being what they thought me to be, and it hurts them. if you've been hurt by me like that, i'm truly sorry. while it seems well intentioned to be so close with people, it really just doesn't make sense. there should be levels of intimacy that different people can achieve with me, not just a balls out "here's everything" with everyone. forgive the imagery, but its accurate.

i could go down an obvious road here and start to say how i'm going to be different in 2011 and make a resolution of sorts, but not only do i suck at staying true to resolutions, i also think they're bull shit. life is a constant movement, and if by resolving at the beginning of each year we think we can better effect that movement, we're mistaken. we really should just push all the time. push towards our best selves. so what is our best self? where can i find the best version of myself that i am always longing to be? i'll leave you with a quote and say that i'm going to continue pushing, seeing what i need to see to keep becoming the best version of myself:

"The yearning to know What cannot be known, to comprehend the Incomprehensible, to touch and taste the Unapproachable, arises from the image of God in the nature of man. Deep calleth unto deep, and though polluted and landlocked by the mighty disaster theologians call the Fall, the soul senses its origin and longs to return to its Source. How can this be realized?

The answer of the Bible is simply ”through Jesus Christ our Lord.” In Christ and by Christ, God effects complete self-disclosure, although He shows Himself not to reason but to faith and love. Faith is an organ of knowledge, and love an organ of experience. God came to us in the incarnation; in atonement He reconciled us to Himself, and by faith and love we enter and lay hold on Him." -AW Tozer from the Knowledge of the Holy