Spare Me

SPOILER NOTICE: The following blog posting was not intended to contain any amount of admittance of guilt or acknowledgement of my weakness as a human. But as is the case in any act of pouring, trace amounts found its way out of the bowl and on the carpet. This could get a little messy.

On a scale from 1 to 10, last night ranks: super weird and "what the hell happened"?

Without going into too much detail (refer to post title) here's how it went down:

1. catch up with my best friend Trey Low and spend hours talking about really hard things. Really good things. Really bad things. Really, almost all things. A very challenging time that pushed me to think about my current state in a way that I haven't.

All in all: a great start to the evening. (zero sarcasm)

2. Go meet other friends for $1 Tecate's at a little bar on the east side near where I used to live. Met some new people, had some great conversations that were uplifting and encouraging to my faith.

For #2 it ranked well. (baby amounts of sarcasm)

3. Throw myself off of a cliff and call someone I haven't called in a really long time. Someone I haven't called for good reason. Which led me down a path of wanton disregard for all things around me, thirsting insatiably for my own desires to be met.

A fantastic decision. (nothing but sarcasm)

4. Those desires? They weren't met. (back to zero sarcasm)

5. I tossed and turned all night, wallowing in my sick sense of self because of how I chose to end my night.

What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us? That I so quickly forget the forgiveness that gives me breath? That we so quickly run to the shiniest toys?

In my head, there is no way God isn't pissed off about this. I mean, there's just no possible way that He, having given us His son... His ONLY F-ing SON... to die a miserable death, isn't just wringing his Hands and turning certain shades of red.

"HOW ON MY GREEN EARTH CAN THESE IDIOTS KEEP ON LIVING THE WAY THEY DO???!!?!?! NOT ONLY HAVE I GIVEN THEM A WAY OUT OF SHIT THEY WALLOW IN, I HAVE PUT THEM UP HIGH ON A PEDESTAL NEXT TO ME!!!"

I'm not one for outlandish "signs" or physically manifested miracles, even still, I would put up quite the bet that God would never say such a thing.

Here's what's true: God's grace and His love and all things about Him are too big to be swayed or effected by my baby wrecking ball tries.

Here's how I feel at the moment: stupid. disappointed. well destroyed by my wrecking tries.

But I'll refer back to my title now.

If you've read all this I guess I'd like to say: just go after something better than what you want after drinking 6 Tecate's. Because there's a lot that falls into that category. A lot of really great things.